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A/      . 
HOOSIER 

ROMANCE 


TCP 


- 

JAMES  WHJTCOMB  RILEY 


-r<isy         y 

/    ff 


A  HOOSIERROMANCB 


Squire  tbawfeins's 


A  HOOSIER  ROMANCE 

*     ********     <¥?     * 

BY  JAMES  WHITCOMB  RILEY 
WITH  ILLUSTRATIONS  BY 
JOHN  WOLCOTT  ADAMS 


PUBLISHED   BY 
THE   BOBBS-MERRILL  COMPANY 


Copyright,  1910,  by 
THE  CENTURY  COMPANY 

Copyright,  1912,  by 
THE  BOBBS-MERRILL  COMPANY 


TO 
JESSE  C.  MILLIKAN 


2047657 


A  HOOSIERROMANCE 


Squire  Dawfeins's  Storg 


A  HOOSIER  ROMANCE 


Squire  Ibawfeins's  Stors 

I  HAIN'T  no  hand  at  tellin'  tales, 
Er  spinnin?  yarns,  as  the  sailors  say; 
Someway  o?  Tnother,  language  fails 
To  slide  fer  me  in  the  oily  way 
That  lawyers  has ;   and  I  wisht  it  would, 
Fer  I  Tve  got  somepin'  that  I  call  good ; 
But  bein'  only  a  country  squire, 
I  fve  learned  to  listen  and  admire, 
3 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
Ruther  preferrin'  to  be  addressed 
Than  talk  myse'f — but  I  '11  do  my  best 

Old  Jeff  Thompson — well,  I  Tll  say, 
Was  the  clos'test  man  I  ever  saw!  — 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
as  cream,  but  the  porest  pay, 
And  the  meanest  man  to  work  fer —  La 
I  've  knowed  that  man  to  work  one 

"hand"— 
Fer  little  er  nothing  you  understand — 

From  four  o'clock  in  the  morning  light 

i 
Tel  eight  and  nine  o'clock  at  night, 

And  then  find  fault  with  his  appetite! 


A   HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
He  ?d  drive  all  over  the  neighberhood 
To  miss  the  place  where  a  toll-gate  stood, 
And  slip  in  town,  by  some  old  road 
That  no  two  men  in  the  county  knowed, 
With  a  jag  o'  wood,  and  a  sack  OT  wheat, 
That  would  nrt  burn  and  you  could  n't  eat ! 
And  the  trades  he  'd  make,  '11  I  jest  de- 
clare, 
Was  enough  to  make  a  preacher  swear! 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And  then  he  rd  hitch,  and  hang  about 
Tel  the  lights  in  the  toll-gate  was  blowed 

out, 

And  then  the  turnpike  he  Td  turn  in 
And  sneak  his  way  back  home  ag'in! 


10 


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v^&'^VTsr 

--~^~.Qi." .    ±.^*-~'-     i 


Tp^V^W 
^-J^I^S     ^^' 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
Some  folks  hint,  and  I  make  no  doubt, 
That  that  Ts  what  wore  his  old  wife  out  — 
Toilin'  away  from  day  to  day 
And  year  to  year,  through  heat  and  cold, 
UncomplainhV-  -  the  same  old  way 
The  martyrs  died  in  the  days  of  old; 


13 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And  a-clinginf,  too,  as  the  martyrs  done, 
To  one  fixed  faith,  and  her  only  one, — 
Little  Patience,  the  sweetest  child 
That  ever  wept  unrickonciled, 
Er  felt  the  pain  and  the  ache  and  stins* 
That  only  a  mother's  death  can  bring. 


14 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
Patience  Thompson! — I  think  that  name 
Must  a-come  from  a  power  above, 
Fer  it  seemed  to  fit  her  jest  the  same 
As  a  gaiter  would,  er  a  fine  kid  glove ! 
And  to  see  that  girl,  with  all  the  care 
Of  the  household  on  her — I  de-clare 


17 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
It  was  audacious,  the  work  she  Td  do, 
And  the  thousand  plans  that  she  fd  putt 

through ; 

And  sing  like  a  medder-lark  all  day  long, 
And  drownd  her  cares  in  the  joys  o?  song; 


18 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And  laugh  sometimes  tel  the  farmer's 

"hand," 

Away  fur  off  in  the  fields,  would  stand 
A-listeninf,  with  the  plow  half  drawn, 
Tel  the  coaxin'  echoes  called  him  on; 


20 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And  the  furries  seemed,  in  his  dreamy 

eyes, 

Like  footpaths  a-IeadinT  to  Paradise, 
As  off  through  the  hazy  atmosphere 
The  call  fer  dinner  reached  his  ear. 


22 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
Now  love  rs  as  cunnin'  a  little  thing 
As  a  hummhV-bird  upon  the  wing, 
And  as  liable  to  poke  his  nose 
Jest  where  folks  would  least  suppose, — 
And  more  rn  likely  build  his  nest 
Right  in  the  heart  you  Td  leave  unguessed, 
And  live  and  thrive  at  your  expense  — 
At  least,  that  fs  my  experience. 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
And  old  Jeff  Thompson  often  thought, 
In  his  se'fish  way,  that  the  quiet  John 
Was  a  stiddy  chap,  as  a  farm-hand  ought 
To  always  be, —  fer  the  airliest  dawn 
Found  John  busy — and  "easy,"  too, 
Whenever  his  wages  would  fall  due! — 


27 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
To  sum  him  up  with  a  final  touch, 
He  eat  so  little  and  worked  so  much, 
That  old  Jeff  laughed  to  hisse'f  and  said, 
He  makes  me  money  and  aims  his 
bread!" 


28 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
But  John,  fer  all  of  his  quietude, 
Would  sometimes  drap  a  word  er  so 
That  none  but  ^Patience  understood, 
And  none  but  her  was  meant  to  know 


30 


A   HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
Mayby  at  meal-times  John  would  say, 
As  the  sugar-bowl  come  down  his  way, 
1  ThankyT  no;   my  coffee  's  sweet 
Enough  fer  me  I "  with  sich  conceit, 
She  1d  know  at  once,  without  no  doubt, 
He  meant  because  she  poured  it  out; 


33 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
And  smile  and  blush,  and  all  sich  stuff, 
And  ast  ef  it  was  u  strong  enough?" 
And  git  the  answer,  neat  and  trim, 
( It  could  rit  be  too  '  strong T  fer  him  I  n 


35 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
And  so  things  went  fer  'bout  a  year, 
Tel  John,  at  last,  found  pluck  to  go 
And  pour  his  tale  in  the  old  man's  ear — 
And  ef  it  had  been  hot  lead,  I  know 
It  could  n't  a-raised  a  louder  fuss, 
Ner  a-riled  the  old  man's  temper  wuss! 
He  jest  lit  in,  and  cussed  and  swore, 
And  lunged  and  rared,  and  ripped  and  tore, 
And  told  John  just  to  leave  his  door, 
And  not  to  darken  it  no  more ! 


36 


A    HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
But  Patience  cried,  with  eyes  all  wet, 
Remember,  John,  and  don't  ferret, 
Whatever  comes,  I  love  you  yet! t? 
But  the  old  man  thought,  in  his  se'fish  way, 
I  '11  see  her  married  rich  some  day; 
And  that"  thinks  he,  "  is  money  fer  me  — 
And  my  will  fs  law,  as  it  om*ht  to  be!  " 


38 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
So  when,  in  the  course  of  a  month  er  so, 
A  widower,  with  a  farm  er  two, 
Comes  to  Jeff's,  w'y,  the  folks,  you  know, 
Had  to  talk  —  as  the  folks  '11  do: 
It  was  the  talk  of  the  neigh berhood  — 
Patience  and  John,  and  their  affairs ; — 
And  this  old  chap  with  a  few  gray  hairs 
Had  "cut  John  out,"  it  was  understood. 
And  some  folks  reckoned  "  Patience,  too, 
Knowed  what  she  was  a-goin'  to  do  — 


A   HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
It  was  like  her —  la!   indeed!  — 
All  she  loved  was  dollars  and  cents  — 
Like  old  Jeff — and  they  saw  no  need 
Fer  John  to  pine  at  her  negligence! rt 

But  others  said,  in  a  kinder  way, 

They  missed  the  songs  she  used  to  sing  — 

They  missed  the  smiles  that  used  to  play 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
Over  her  face,  and  the  laughin'  ring 
Of  her  glad  voice  —  that  euen/thing 
Of  her  old  se'f  seemed  dead  and  gone, 
And  this  was  the  ghost  that  they  gazed  on ! 


44 


A    HOOS1ER   ROMANCE 
Tel  finally  it  was  noised  about 
There  was  a  weddiri1  soon  to  be 
Down  at  Jeffs;    and  the  "cat  was  out" 
Shore  enough!--' LI  the  Jee-mun-nee  ! 
It  riled  me  when  John  told  me  so, — 
Fer  /  was  a  friend  o'  John's,  you  know; 
And  his  trimblin'  voice  jest  broke  in  two  — 
As  a  feller's  voice  '11  sometimes  do. — 
And  I  says,  says  I,  "  Ef  I  know  my  biz — 
And  I  think  I  know  what  jestice  is,— 
I  've  read  some  law — and  I  'd  advise 
A  man  like  you  to  wipe  his  eyes, 


46 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
And  square  his  jaws  and  start  ag'in, 
Per  jestice  is  a-goin1  to  win!1 
And  it  was  n't  long  tel  his  eyes  had  cleared 
As  blue  as  the  skies,  and  the  sun  appeared 
In  the  shape  of  a  good  old-fashioned  smile 
That  I  had  n't  seen  fer  a  long,  long  while. 

So  we  talked  on  fer  af  hour  er  more, 
And  sunned  ourselves  in  the  open  door, — 
Tel  a  hoss-and-buggy  down  the  road 
Come  a-drivinr  up,  that  I  guess  John 
knowed,— 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
Fer  he  winked  and  says,  "I  Tll  dessap- 

pear — 

They  '</  smell  a  mice  ef  they  saw  me  here !" 
And  he  thumbed  his  nose  at  the  old  gray 

mare, 
And  hid  hisse'f  in  the  house  somewhere. 

Well. — The  rig  drove  up:   and  I  raised 

my  head 

As  old  Jeff  hollered  to  me  and  said 
That  "him  and  his  old  friend  there  had 

come 
To  see  ef  the  squire  was  at  home." 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
...    I  told  'em  "I  was;   and  I  aimed  to  be 
At  every  chance  of  a  weddin'-fee!" 
And  then  I  laughed — and  they  laughed, 

too,— 

Fer  that  was  the  object  they  had  in  view. 
Would  I  be  on  hands  at  eight  that  night  ??t 
They  ast;  and  fs-I,  u  You  fre  mighty  right, 
77/be  on  hands!"      And  then  I  bu'st 
Out  a-laughinr  my  very  wu'st, — 
And  so  did  they,  as  they  wheeled  away 
And  drove  to'rds  town  in  a  cloud  o?  dust. 
Then  I  shet  the  door,  and  me  and  John 
Laughed  and  laughed,  and  jest  laughed  on, 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
Tel  Mother  drapped  her  specs,  and  by 
Jeewhillikers !  I  thought  she  rd  die!— 
And  she  could  n't  a-told,  I  '11  bet  my  hatf 
What  on  earth  she  was  laughin'  at! 

But  all  o'  the  fun  of  the  tale  hain't  done ! — 
Fer  a  drizzlin'  rain  had  jest  begun, 
And  a-havin'  'bout  four  mile'  to  ride, 
I  jest  concluded  I  ?d  better  light 
Out  fer  Jeff's  and  save  my  hide,— 
Fer  it  was  a-goin1  to  storm,  that  night! 
So  we  went  down  to  the  barn,  and  John 
Saddled  my  beast,  and  I  got  on ; 


55 


A   HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
And  he  told  me  somepin'  to  not  ferret, 
And  when  I  left,  he  was  laughin1  yet. 

And,  'proachin'  on  to  my  journey's  end, 
The  great  big  draps  o'  the  rain  come  down, 
And  the  thunder  growled  in  a  way  to  lend 
An  awful  look  to  the  lowerin'  frown 
The  dull  sky  wore ;  and  the  lightnin?  glanced 
Tel  my  old  mare  jest  more  '/z  pranced, 
And  tossed  her  head,  and  bugged  her  eyes 
To  about  four  times  their  natchurl  size, 
As  the  big  black  lips  of  the  clouds  rud  drap 
Out  some  oath  of  a  thunder-clap, 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And  threaten  on  in  an  undertone 
That  chilled  a  feller  clean  to  the  bone! 

But  I  struck  shelter  soon  enough 
To  save  myse'f.      And  the  house  was 

jammed 
With  the  women-folks,  and  the  weddin'- 

stuff:- 

A  great,  long  table,  fairly  crammed 
With  big  pound-cakes — and  chops  and 

steaks  — 

And  roasts  and  stews — and  stumick-aches 
Of  every  fashion,  form,  and  size, 

From  twisters  up  to  punkin-pies! 
58 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And  candies,  oranges,  and  figs, 
And  reezins, —  all  the  "whilligigs" 
And  "  jim-cracks  "  that  the  law  allows 
On  sich  occasions!  —  Bobs  and  bows 
Of  gigglin'  girls,  with  corkscrew  curls, 
And  fancy  ribbons,  reds  and  blues, 
And  ubeau-ketchers  M  and  "curliques" 
To  beat  the  world!      And  seven  o'clock 
Brought  old  Jeff;  —  and  brought  —  the 

groom,— 

With  a  sideboard-collar  on,  and  stock 
That  choked  him  so,  he  had  nft  room 


61 


A   HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
To  smaller  in,  er  even  sneeze, 
Er  clear  his  th'oat  with  any  ease 
Er  comfort  —  and  a  good  square  cough 
Would  saw  his  Adam's-apple  off 

But  as  fer  Patience  —  My!  Oomh- 

oomh  I — 

I  never  saw  her  look  so  sweet! — 
Her  face  was  cream  and  roses,  too; 
And  then  them  eyes  or  heavenly  blue 
Jest  made  an  angel  all  complete! 


63 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And  when  she  split  rem  up  in  smiles 
And  splintered  ?em  around  the  room, 
And  danced  acrost  and  met  the  groom, 
And  laughed  out  loud —  It  kind  o'  spiles 
My  language  when  I  come  to  that  — 


64 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
Fer,  as  she  laid  away  his  hat, 
Thinks  I,  "  The  papers  hid  inside 
Of  that  said  hat  must  make  a  bride 
/J  happy  one  fer  all  her  life, 
Er  else  a  wrecked  and  wretched  wife  I 


67 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And,  someway,  then,  I  thought  of  John,- 
Then  looked  to'rds  ^Patience.  .  .  .  She 

was  gone  I— 

The  door  stood  open,  and  the  rain 
Was  dashinf  in;    and  sharp  and  plain 
Above  the  storm  we  heerd  a  cry- 
A  ringin',  laughin',  loud  uGood-by!?r 
That  died  away,  as  fleet  and  fast 
A  hoss's  hoofs  went  splashin'  past! 


69 


A   HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
And  that  was  all.     ?T  was  done  that 

quick!  .  .  . 

You  fve  heerd  OT  fellers  "lookin*  sick"? 
I  wisht  you  rd  seen  the  groom  jest  then 
I  wisht  you  'd  seen  them  two  old  men, 
With  starhV  eyes  that  fairly  glared 
At  one  another,  and  the  scared 
And  empty  faces  of  the  crowd,— 
I  wisht  you  could  a-been  allowed 
To  jest  look  on  and  see  it  all, — 
And  heerd  the  girls  and  women  bawl 


70 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
And  wring  their  hands;    and  heerd  old 

Jeff 

A-cussinr  as  he  swum*  hisse'f 
Upon  his  hoss,  who  champed  his  bit 
As  though  old  Nick  had  holt  of  it: 
And  cheek  by  jowl  the  two  old  wrecks 
Rode  off  as  though  they  'd  break  their 

necks. 

And  as  we  all  stood  starin'  out 
Into  the  night,  I  felt  the  brush 
Of  some  one's  hand,  .and  turned  about, 
And  heerd  a  voice  that  whispered, 
"Hushl- 

73 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
They  're  waitiri1  in  the  kitchen,  and 
You  Ve  wanted.     'Don't  you  understand?  " 
Well,  ef  my  memory  serves  me  now, 
I  think  I  winked. — Well,  anyhow, 
I  left  the  crowd  a-gawkin'  there, 
And  jest  slipped  off  around  to  where 
The  back-door  opened,  and  went  in, 
And  turned  and  shet  the  door  ag'in, 
And  mayby  locked  it — could  n't  swear, 
A  woman's  arms  around  me  makes 
Me  liable  to  make  mistakes.— 
I  read  a  marriage  license  nex', 
But  as  I  did  n't  have  my  specs 


74 


A    HOOSIER    ROMANCE 
I  jest  inferred  it  was  all  right, 
And  tied  the  knot  so  mortal-tight 
That  Patience  and  my  old  friend  John 
Was  safe  enough  from  that  time  on! 

Well  now  I  might  go  on  and  tell 
How  all  the  joke  at  last  leaked  out, 
And  how  the  youngsters  raised  the  yell 
And  rode  the  happy  groom  about 
Upon  their  shoulders;    how  the  bride 
Was  kissed  a  hunderd  times  beside 
The  one  /  give  her, — tel  she  cried 
And  laughed  untel  she  like  to  died ! 


76 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
I  might  go  on  and  tell  you  all 
About  the  supper — and  the  ball.— 
You  rd  ought  to  see  me  twist  my  heel 
Through  jest  one  old  Furginny  reel 
Afore  you  die!   er  tromp  the  strings 
Of  some  old  fiddle  tel  she  sings 
Some  old  cowtillion,  don't  you  know, 
That  putts  the  devil  in  yer  toe! 


78 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
We  kep'  the  dancirT  up  tel  four 
O'clock,  I  reckon — mayby  more. — 
We  hardly  heerd  the  thunder's  roar, 
Er  thought  about  the  storm  that  blowed 
/Ind  them  two  fellers  on  the  road! 


80 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
Tel  all  at  onc't  we  heerd  the  door 
Burst  open,  and  a  voice  that  swore, — 
And  old  Jeff  Thompson  tuck  the  floor. 
He  shuck  hisse'f  and  looked  around 
Like  some  old  do^  about  half-drown'd- 
His  hat,  I  reckon,  weighed  ten  pound 
To  say  the  least,  and  I  '11  say,  shore, 
His  overcoat  weighed  fifty  more — 
The  wettest  man  you  ever  saw, 
To  have  so  dry  a  son-in-law! 


82 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
He  sized  it  all ;    and  Patience  laid 
Her  hand  in  John's,  and  looked  afraid, 
And  waited.      And  a  stiller  set 
Or  folks,  I  know,  you  never  met 
In  any  court-room,  where  with  dread 
They  wait  to  hear  a  verdick  read. 


84 


A   HOOSIER   ROMANCE 
The  old  man  turned  his  eyes  on  me  : 
"And  have  you  married  fem?'T  says  he. 
I  nodded  «  Yes.f  '      «  Well,  that  '11  do,?r 
He  says,  "and  now  we  Ve  th'ough  with 


You  jest  clear  out,  and  I  decide 
And  promise  to  be  satisfied!" 
He  had  n't  nothin'  more  to  say. 
I  saw,  of  course,  how  matters  lay, 
And  left.      But  as  I  rode  away 
I  heerd  the  roosters  crow  fer  day. 


87 


A    000038150 


